This is what it says on the cover of my new text book. I know I shouldn’t be judging a book by its cover, but it gets better on the inside.

This text contains VALUABLE knowledge…

…for people who are just turning on a computer for the first time. It covers using Windows XP. Subjects include:

• Using a Mouse With Windows XP (…becuase using it with any other OS is different, especially if you’ve used Macs that sometimes have one button and sometimes two. So confusing!)
• Understanding Pull Down Menus (Which you… drum roll… yes! Pull down. Glad you understand all that.)
• 16 pages on Using Microsoft Paint (Because you have it in your head that using Adobe Photoshop is going to get you somewhere! Phht!)
• Adjusting the Volume (Because computers don’t all have remote controls!)
• Deleting a File (…)
• Starting Internet Explorer (You mean other than to look at how badly it handles css?)
• Understanding the Internet (First of all, the internet is a series of tubes… (see 3d pipe screen saver for an example, and btw, having that as your screen saver makes the internet run better))

I understand that they got us this textbook just in case someone didn’t know how to draw a rectangle in paint (Gasp! Glad we rectified that.), but seriously, anyone that needs this book is likely going to drop out in about a week. Why encourage them? Let them save time, money, gas, breathing air for the rest of us…

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. Maybe I will be surprised and awed by someone who goes from needing this book to building their own firewalls from scratch in mere months. It could happen.

Does anyone out there remember the Bastard System Operator From Hell Simon Travaglia? He would have some fun with those people.

I haven’t read any of those stories since I was using BBSes. Apparently they continued to be written. I guess I have some research- I mean pleasure reading to do. ;) After all, I’m reading, so I’m probably learning less…