Tag Archives: jiu-jitsu

Sports Bras

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Yes, this will be the second post in which I gripe about womens’ clothing.

I realized I don’t understand sports bras.

I’m a C. I like a lot of support. I like pads, tough, tight, under wire frames, and other things to keep things secure. I’m not saying that bouncing is bad, I’m saying that they still bounce even if the best support, so…

I started doing jiu-jistu, I figure I should get some athletic clothes. I have my gi, but in addition I should be wearing appropriate clothes with it and under it.

I tried on some sports bras.

Fact: I bounce about 75% more with a sports bra than with my regular bras.

Fact: My regular bras provide my chest 100% more protection from being hurt. Padding may not be equivalent to the cups men wear, but yeah, when knee-on-stomach is accidentally knee-on-chest, it helps.

Is this just another joke, like womens’ pant sizes?

I looked it up online and apparently that normal, pull-over sports bras only really work for ‘normal breast sizes’ which apparently is up to a B. So, no wonder I had no luck. I mean, I didn’t know that there was a kind of sports bar that wasn’t a pull-over.

Apparently I need something called an “encapsulation style” sports bra, like my bra is going to be frozen in a capsule so it may be able to wake up in a future time? An encapsulation style sports bra apparently has adjustable back clasps, shoulder straps, and are made in non-stretch fabric. Wait… this sounds like a regular bra. I’m confused.

Now I know what to shop for. I wonder when I try one if I’ll say, “Wow, this feels like a regular bra that I normally wear.”

I also wonder how much of an arm and a leg they’re going to try to charge me for these ‘special’ sports bras.

Woo. Clothing.

Think to Hope

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I’d tried to bring it up before, but the conversation was again derailed- subject changed, glossed over, left for another day. I didn’t push. I was careful not to push.

Why did I think I had to last night?

It was late and we both needed to work in the morning, but it has been on my mind. I was afraid of the answer and the changes it could bring to this undefined, open-ended us I’ve grown fond of. Things between us have been light, fun, and tender. To lose what I’ve gained in the name of searching for something more, that might not even exist, seemed illogical.

And yet, it had been on my mind.

I dared hope things were going in a particular direction: upwards and closer. I’m a patient person. I thought it was only a matter of time. The hope was starting to approach expect, and I felt like I needed to bring it up or reign in my own thoughts.

I knew I might be the only one of two that thought this was going somewhere.

I was restless. He could see there was something on my mind. I don’t know how to hide things and lie, and I don’t want to.

So I ask if he thinks we’ll ever date exclusively, if he thinks this is going somewhere.

After a brief dance around the subject he comes clean. At some point there was the possibility, but at some point recently he also realized it was likely never going to happen for us.

So maybe at the exact moment where my mind dared hope, where romantic notions took root, he was having a revelation that we would reach a place, or have reached a place, an plateau out. It’s not a bad place to be, but it’s not going higher. We’re special, but not special enough, close, and yet still a million miles apart.

I’m reminding myself that not everyone I date is going to even approach the possibility of being someone I will be with for a long time. Not every person I feel for will settle in a deep place and stay.

He feels guilty for not telling me when he realized. He knew that I was headed in the opposite direction as him- where I started to hope, he started to realize. I feel a little betrayed. Why do I have to be the honest, courageous one and bring up the difficult topics?

It’s not a big betrayal, and he was honest when I asked him point blank, but it still hurts. And he disappointed himself and me and he knows it. It’s the first sad moment since we’ve been dating. I remember every reason I felt great to be free of this exercise in attempting this level human connection. If the results always equal less than, why do I keep trying the same equation? I think I’ll get bigger numbers to add up to something substantial.

I asked him why he dates people. He never gave me a real answer, instead he asked me. I told him I didn’t know. Then I told him I was looking for a real fucking connection: with understanding, yet learning and wonder, and once that connection was there, caring, and with that, ultimately, a companion. I’m not so naive that I don’t know most, if not all of these connections will be temporary, but I still sometimes want to settle for a little while in that comfortable place where there is someone.

He admitted he didn’t want to exclusively date anyone anytime soon.

I asked him why and he said he needed to improve himself first- to get to a place where he was settled and happy with who he was. I laughed and told him I hoped he never was, because it would a sad day that he thought he was beyond improvement. We’re young and unsure in life right now and he thinks there is a magic switch somewhere that is going to turn on adulthood and allow him to settle into someone and something closer to perfection.

I tried to get every ounce of hurt out of my system. I tried to let it move through me and out of me and not burrow its way into a hole where it could stay and fester. After it settled I tried to answer the question of ‘What now?’.

I knew he was looking at me waiting for that answer. He told me his sister went through something similar recently- wanted more from a guy and he didn’t have more to give. She broke up with the guy. It seemed like he was trying to give me an easy, natural progression to end it if wanted to.

He thought it was over for a moment, that he’d messed up. I looked at him and couldn’t be angry; he’s under my skin still. If things can’t move to a new height, I’m still not ready to come down quite yet. I’m glad to know where I stand, at least I have that. I let him know that at some point, I wouldn’t be able to wait. At some point I’d have to finish moving on, as we’re not going anywhere.

But in this moment, for right now, we’re going to keep having fun. I warned him though, we need to stay honest or we’re going to ruin trust between us and both be hurt. Honesty isn’t just about lying, it’s about disclosing expectations and revelations. You can’t knowingly let the other person living in a place of false hope or ideas.

He knew I thought this was going further and he knew it wasn’t. Even if it was a recent revelation, he should have told me. He didn’t know how to bring it up. He didn’t want to hurt or ruin what we had. He was scared.

Did he know how scared as I was, trusting and knowing this might happen? You lend a part of yourself when you trust and it’s up to that person to take care with that. I’ve always been good at doing that for other people, but I have never picked the right person to give my own. And now that he has it, I plead with him to not approach this place again. I need to be able to expect the truth.

I’m going to try not to make more of it than it is. I’m fast to forgive and I hope faith isn’t misplaced.

I feel like I have shut him out a small bit for my own sanity, while also feeling him thrust closer. I’m throwing up an arm to his throat and not letting him pass my guard. A comparison to jiu-jitsu is appropriate as we participate in this dangerous sport, both looking to improve, to find a better position, and having a ton of fun doing it.

There’s also a hint of desperation, like we know our days together are numbered and some day, maybe sooner than one or both of us would like, this will dissolve. And what will be left then? Will we speak with each other? Look each other in the eye?

Usually when these things are done, they’re done with only memories remaining and an unlucky bit of bitterness. Maybe this time, I hope this time, we can skip the chapter of hurt, betrayal, and unnecessary drama and have a fine farewell at the end. Dare I hope for a lasting, meaningful friendship?

In the meantime, we still have this. Togther we will train jiu-jitsu, eat sushi, cook, dine, party, visit the aquarium and tour the chocolate factory, talk about inane topics and subtle psychology, exchange strategies for our careers, share insights and passions, play and banter, geek out, and make as many fond memories as we’re able.

I’m a bit sad, but I’m also relieved at a bit of added definition. These thoughts have been aired out so I can move past them. I don’t know where I’m going, but now I do know that in the end he’s ultimately not coming with me.

Jiu-Jitsu = Live Action Katamari Damacy

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In my last post I mentioned that I was taking Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. I also stated that I had an epiphany about Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and its striking similarity to something else that is wicked fun.

I realized that Jiu-jitsu is really, essentially, live action Katamari Damacy. Sure, just like anything else that is a live action version of something, it is not exactly the same.


We cannot be a katamari though we wish we were. Katamaris are too great, powerful, and magic. However, we aspire to be more like the katamari. Jiu-jitsu can help with this.

Let me help you understand the things that lie at the core of both Katamari Damacy and Jiu-Jitsu with four main points.

1. You roll.

If you roll with someone in jiu-jitsu, it means you’re sparring with them. It essentially ends up looking like a human katamari is coming at you. There is no kicking, no punching, no eye poking, just grabbing on and rolling the other person up. This is exactly how it works in Katamari Damacy as well. Sure, in Katamari Damacy you roll up other things, but other humans and other katamaris are part of that.

2. The goal is to not be rolled up, but rather to roll up.

In Jiu-jitsu, the goal is not to get passed, swept, or essentially, rolled up by your opponent while trying to do as much to them. If you end up in a position where they are still rolling around but you can’t move, this is bad. It doesn’t mean things are over- you can break free and try to roll the other guy up, but it means that you’ve already lost some points.

…just like in Katamari Damacy.

3. You’ll lose if things don’t stick to you.

When we watch a katamari, it so effortlessly picks up the things around it. It rolls, things stick to it, struggling and there to stay unless thrown off. If you roll a person up and they come off, it means you got to go roll them up again. This is true both in jiu-jitsu and Katamari Damacy.

The effort of rolling up is greater in jiu-jitsu. The best comparison to Katamari Damacy is two player competitive mode. An important difference is that size, speed, and skill in Katamari Damacy means the difference between rolling up and being rolled up. In jiu-jitsu, skill and endurance are even greater factors.

4. There is a time limit and a point system.

In Katamari Damacy, points and winning are based on how much you roll up before time runs out.


Jiu-jitsu is not so different, however points are based more on how well you roll the person up within a time limit. One of the biggest divides here is a question of quantity versus quality. A katamari can roll all willy nilly over the earth while in jiu-jitsu, form is very important. Being the dominant roller is key, as you get points for moving into these dominant positions.

Also different is that you can use submissions to make the other person quit (tap out) in jiu-jitsu. That is illegal in Katamari Damacy and might get you arrested. Sure, a controller cord choke is kind of like a gi choke, but it is not acceptable in the gaming community. In jiu-jitsu, not only is it accepted, it is expected.

Oh Hai Neglected Blog

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Oh, hai neglected blog. What’s that? It’s the middle of March? Really… When did this happen?

So, here’s some updates is an arbitrary numerical order. This is kind of a collection of excuses for not being here writing.:

1. I started taking Brazilian Jiu-jitsu classes.

Before all of you look at me with a question mark over your heads, there’s probably more reasons I started than I could put here. At the core, it’s in line with the whole self improvement thing. The Wii Fit, though awesome, is not enough.

Also, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is essentially live action Katamari Damacy. I’ll write more on that thought later, but essentially, your goal is to roll the other person up. Tell me that you don’t see the correlation.

It’s wicked fun.

2. So, there’s this guy…

Speaking of the Katamari, I know I was on a roll, but we all knew it had to end sometime. In proper form, it happened when I least expected it. I found the least likely kind of person in the least likely of settings. Before you think I’m totally lost, I’ll say we’re just kinda seeing each other right now and we’ll see where this goes (if anywhere).

For any of you thinking I can’t handle casually seeing someone, you could be right. It’s something I’m trying and hoping will be good for me. I want to know if I should be cautious, or throw caution to the wind in lieu of experiencing life to the fullest? I wonder if this a risk worth taking.

I know that opportunity only knocks once, so I run the risk… I promise I won’t run with scissors.

3. Man down!

Work is busy and I don’t even have moments to jot down thoughts about posts. One of my work buddies is on a leave of absence and I miss him, not just for the additional weight pulled, or the psychological comfort of him being around. Having someone you work that closely with every day just vanish all of the sudden just sucks. I miss him.

It’s busy. I’m trying to get this crap done and done well. I don’t do half-assed. So, I do the needful that needs doing and I do it well.

4. Social life – I has one.

I don’t know when this came about, but like other bloggers that have come before me have pointed out, it does interfere with writing regularly. It’s not all about item number 2. either. The social life thing has been going on for longer than item two has. My circle of friends is getting a little wider and a little stronger, and we’re stir crazy ready for Winter to end. That’s right, we’re crazy and doing crazy things. Woo. Raah.

Zombie Fluxx is crazy, right? Right?

So, enjoy your numerical excuses and I’ll catch up soon. I have a bunch of partially finished posts as usual. There are stories and ideas and characters floating in the ether as always. One day soon, some of them will materialize here. Until then, be well everyone.