I know everyone is all ‘up on’ the “All your base are belong to us” bandwagon, but the list of wonderfully bad (by bad, I mean good) video game quotes is long. I have read it over the years on my television and computer screens and laughed until everyone around me was embarrassed for me. I’ve picked a few games and a few favorites from those games.
“Some of these are mistranslated, badly translated, or just products of brain damaged programmers (or translators, or both). Enjoy!
Yeah, this kid seems loaded for bear.” said about Terra who is using magic.
-Locke Cole, Final Fantasy VI (III US), SNES & PSX
“Knights do it two-handed.”
– townsman, Final Fantasy V, PSX
“This isn’t a leotard, it’s our combat uniform!”
– various amazon warriors of Toroia, Final Fantasy IV (II US), SNES & PSX
“There are secrets where faeries don’t live.”
– old man, The Legend of Zelda, NES
– Bubsy, Bubsy, SNES (note: not written on screen, but said)
“Even a door of this caliber can’t keep science at bay!”
– Lucca, Chrono Trigger, SNES
“No rubbish for Ayla, or head go boom!”
– Ayla, Chrono Trigger, SNES
“I’d rather have my gums scraped!”
– The Girl (main character), Secret of Mana, SNES
“Don’t be a tuna head.”
– Fred, Maniac Mansion, Atari ST & PC
“Grass green? I hate that color!”
– Bobbon, Loom, PC
“So you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector.”
– Blind Man, Monkey Island I: The Secret of Monkey Island, PC
“I’m looking for 30 dead guys and one woman.”
– Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey Island I: The Secret of Monkey Island, PC
Guybrush: “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Carpenter: “A woodchuck would chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.”
Guybrush: “But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?”
Carpenter: “Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?”
Guybrush: “A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.”
Carpenter: “Oh shut up.”
– Monkey Island II: LeChuck’s Revenge, PC
“¡Madre de Dios! ¡Es el Pollo Diablo! (“Mother of God! It’s the Devil Chicken!”)” Guybrush, tarred and feathered, responds in Spanish, which makes it funnier.
– Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey Island III: The Curse of Monkey Island, PC
The screen shots (from the top) are:
Monkey Island I,
Earthbound (SNES),
Final Fantasy III (SNES) / VI (PSX),
Earthbound (again),
Final Fantasy II (SNES) / IV (PSX),
The Legend of Zelda: The Adventure of Link (NES),
Final Fantasy (NES),
King’s Quest VI (PC),
Chrono Trigger (SNES),
Earthbound (and again),
and Earthbound (yet again)
So, anyone like to share any of their own personal favorites? Try to tell us: who said it, what game, and what platform. Anyone can recite “All your base…”. I’m more interested in memories of a gamer’s greatest moments grimacing or guffawing at the ‘puter screen (or tv).