No, I’m Still Not Dating Anyone, Thanks For Asking

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It will be two years come the end of this October since I have officially belonged to anyone. You’d think from the way people talk to me about it I’m supposed to be sad or upset about it or something. Well, then, here’s a big news flash.

I don’t care. Or, rather, it’s even something to celebrate.

Really, finding someone to date just is not that important to me. I have too many things that should take a bigger precedence in my life than to go out seeking something that will likely turn life topsy turvey anyways. It’s especially silly when I know it will find
me eventually anyways.

People grow concerned. They think it’s a lack of self esteem on my part, which is especially funny considering that it’s opposite. I feel like I don’t need someone else in my life. When I was dating (from two years ago until I started SOLID pretty much) it was partially from fear of being alone. It was partially feeling I needed someone to help me stand on my own two feet.

If anything, I’m a bit sad that people don’t support me in this. They don’t high-five me and say ‘good for you!’ like I think they should. Instead they worry that something is wrong with me.

It’s so funny when it’s the opposite. I’m doing better than I probably ever have been, and people worry because I’m doing it without someone pulling me on their lap or buying me dinner. If anything, maybe someone should have worried when I put too much stock into someone else.

I am not saying that I might not end up dating someone as soon as tomorrow, but I am saying I’m not looking. That’s kind of how I know it will find me.

The more whole I become, the more likely I am to attract the notice of someone else equally as whole and maybe have a healthy relationship for a change.

Should I envy the people who are with other people and are happy? There are things I miss, things that would be nice, but then for every one thing I can think of there is so much more I might be giving up if I jump into something just for the sake of jumping.

People talk about being single is being alone, and I think I felt more lonely in a lot of my relationships. There are games guys can play to keep you from your friends and being just disinterested enough to make you want them more. I’m all set. I will fight tooth and nail to stay out of that situation this time.

So maybe I’m just waiting for the right time, the time for things to be different, the improvement upon an improvement. There’s nothing wrong we being cautious. I’m not desperate, so why should I act like I am?

I’m fine being single. I’m happy to be patient as things continue to come together. Be happy for me.

  • Nothing’s much worse than being in a relationship of suck. Nothing’s much better than being in an awesome affair.

    There’s a lot of room between those two extremes – and being unattached and not lonely is a beneficial state in between them, in my opinion.

    So, go for it. Like most every state (including awesome affairs), it probably won’t last forever, so enjoy it for what it is.

  • SteveJ

    Good for you! I think you’ve got the right idea. ^5.

    I like to tell people that my best relationship (the one with my bride) was the one I actively tried to avoid. In fact, I think I had just sworn off dating for some arbitrary number of months, after years of serial monogamy. The girl I chased the hardest was a life changing experience, but not the best for my sanity.

    I find “people” either know me well enough to not *need* to have this sort of conversation with me, while other “people” have a concept of me that’s quite far from reality and know what’s best for that mirror universe me. And other “people”, well they worry about everything and like the idea that someone else is looking out for me.

    Anyway, I like your attitude, and I agree “it” will find you. I once heard/read something from some psychomolagalist about how you attract people to you that will teach you lessons. I think that’s true, my definition of compatible and “worth it” evolved over the years.