Clan of Walmart

Posted on by

Walmart is scary, and so are many of the people who shop there. They’ll run you over if they see ‘roll backs’ in the prices on soda water. They’ll eat you if they mistake you for a cheese product. They carry germs, disease, and do not know how to control their crazy crying brats who will spread said diseases.

The one by my apartment is huge. You could easily get lost in there for all eternity. The first time I was ever there was with my family. They had to ‘pick up a few things’. I lost them about five minutes in, couldn’t find them or what I was looking for, and left a few hours later with bags full of stuff I’d never associate the words ‘had to’ with.


Even funnier is that this replaced what used to be referred to as “Small Mart”. It was miniature, barely a Walmart. It had nothing you wanted or needed, but you always went back.

Knights of Xentar armor
I avoid it whenever possible, but on the few occasions I’ve broken down and gone, I need moral support. I usually take my little brother as a shield. The way he drives a cart, everyone knows not to get too close, lest they be taken out.

We make it an adventure… going into enemy territory. The mighty clan of Walmart will not defeat us. We will escape with our lives. Even a trip to the Christmas Tree Shop can be survived if you prepare properly. Just remember, always go into your sub screen and equip your armor!

Screen shot… Dragon Knight 3: Knights of Xentar (PC).

  • SteveJ

    I find many stereotypes to be annoying, and one of my (least) favorite is that people are more friendly in the south. First place that pops in my head is Walmart. There are few places I’ve been where I’m genuinely afraid I’ll be run down in the parking lot, but a Georgia Walmart is near the top. It really does seem like going there makes everyone kind of vicious, though my father-in-law thinks it’s the best place on earth (He goes 3-4 times a week).

    The friendliest “city” I’ve spent much time in is Bismarck, ND.

    If you need extra ammunition against Wallymart, my buddy at work (he’s into causes, does lots of research, and has strong feelings on most topics) tells me that our trade imbalance with China is greatly influenced by Walmart, since they buy almost all their finished goods from there.

    So a vote for Walmart is a vote against the ‘ol U.S. of A.

  • Their UK Branch, ASDA, is no better really. (They bought ASDA a few years back, ASDA already sold the cheapest crappiest stuff around… That hasn’t really improved.)

    But in the UK it’s Tesco we need to worry about, some ludicrous percentage of all the money earned in Britain is spent at Tesco (like something over 10%, think about that a second.). This means that Tesco are a massive 800lb gorilla that have local influence that most supermarkets can only dream about.

    Ah well, at least we have Sainsbury’s and Waitrose to provide quality food from a supermarket.

    Interestingly, you can tell a lot about someone by where they shop, it’s a very clear social structure in the UK:
    ASDA – poor/working class
    Morrisons – Northern
    Tesco – Almost everyone I suppose
    Sainsbury’s – Aspiring middle class
    Waitrose – Aspiring Upper class, or the real upper class
    Fresh & Wild – Ponce

    Naturally, we have our fruit and veg delivered by an local organic co-operative, who probably run their vans on tofu. We would have our meat delivered by a similar company, but they’re based too far away to meet the wife’s strict requirements.

  • “my father-in-law thinks it’s the best place on earth”

    Like a good little consumer… :)

    “So a vote for Walmart is a vote against the ‘ol U.S. of A.”

    I don’t think the people at Walmart would agree with you. Don’t say that too loud at one, they might think you’re a terrorist or something.

  • “Naturally, we have our fruit and veg delivered by an local organic co-operative…”

    Naturally? You mean you Brits ‘naturally’ get food delivered to you? That’s pretty sweet.

    By the by, the subject of British food came up at work today without my influence. Everyone pretty much said that everything about Britain is awesome except the food, which I though was funny and appropriate after the other day’s post.

  • “naturally” more as in my wife’s a tree-hugging hippy chick at heart, so “naturally” we couldn’t possibly use a big supermarket if we could avoid it.

    Anyway, a small spark of British pride would point out that British food can be awesome, it’s just that the mainstream hasn’t caught on to the awesomeness yet. (That being said, British service still sucks, we can’t do anything decent when it comes to service industries.)

    Then again, being a whiny Brit I’d like to take this opportunity to moan about the horrendous condition of the rail networks, the mismanagement of the NHS, the ludicrous price of houses. (Although I’m less bothered by the ludicrous price of petrol… Which is hovering about £1.10 per litre, which is what? (around 8.50 USD per US gallon according to Google, on the subject of which isn’t that awesome? searching for “£1.10 per litre in dollars per gallon” can actually great an answer like that.) The poor condition of our telephone networks and subsequently the poor state of broadband (when compared to France) blah blah blah blah blah.

    British people like to complain, just not in public, and especially not in restaurants.

  • “British people like to complain”

    Oh, we have so much in common!

    “…just not in public, and especially not in restaurants.”

    Oh. Maybe not so much.

    “…8.50 USD per US gallon”

    !!! Soo… I should be thankful with a bit over $3 a gallon is what you’re saying. Holy crap…