Woot Monkey is a superb goalie.

Purple Octopus isn’t a bad footballer either, but most pale in comparison to Woot Monkey’s skill on the field.

He has such a long reach. He blocks the ball as if he were Superman flying to the rescue. Maybe it’s the cape; I don’t know. I do know that I’m a wicked fan of Woot Monkey’s mad soccer skills.

Woot Monkey, like us, also has a hard time waking up in the morning. Because of his petite and limber form, he has the advantage of being able to get the freshest of freshly brewed espresso. Woot Monkey is a coffee snob and won’t drink regular American coffee.

Woot Monkey is relaxing this Sunday by enjoying a nice bath with his rubber duckie.


Woot Monkey LOVES his rubber duckie.

If you ever want a way to ensure you’ll die quickly, just try to mess with Woot Monkey’s duckie.

Woot Monkey and Rubber Duck have been together a long time.

Did you know that Woot monkey is a war veteran? That’s how Woot Monkey and Rubber Duck met, during World War II. Captain Woot Monkey and Sergent Rubber Duck were stationed together. They bathed in some scary waters, let me tell you. Ever since then they’ve had a special bond. No matter what happens, every bath time they can look at each other and say, “At least the war is over. At least we came home safe. We lived to bathe another day.”

Woot Monkey knows Tae Kwon Do. It’s a good thing he does, because otherwise these rabites might get the jump on him as he explores the grassy plains.

If you don’t know what a rabite is, it is a creature found in the video game world of Secret of Mana for the Super Nintendo.

Woot monkey has had a hard week, rounding it off with rescuing the world from crocheted creatures. Good job Woot Monkey. We appreciate it.

All monkeys love hanging out in trees, and Woot Monkey is no exception. He’s sure you’re all jealous of his tropical perch in the sun, but you wouldn’t be. Being a Woot Monkey is seriously hard work. We’ve already talked a bit about his phone support job, his previous role in the hit TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation, and his constant battle with arachnophobia issues (couples with the fact that spiders half as large as him have been known to seek him out). I know the grass is always greener, but don’t be jealous of the Woot Monkey’s short reprieve in his tropical tree home. He’s worked hard to earn that break.

Did you know that Woot Monkey is afraid of spiders? I can empathize. I mean, that thing is big enough to eat him! I took this picture and ran away. I hope Woot Monkey is okay.