Blogging

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I know, a blog post about blogging is kind of the saddest of the sad as far as topics go at a glance.

Yet, I have a specific topic I want to bring up. I’ve had this blog for a couple years now. I have no problems posting about the people in my life (as long as I don’t reveal their name). I have no problems with the people I know reading it. It’s actually created some cool dialogues with people. I’m not ashamed of anything I put on here.

The thing I want to bring up actually has nothing to do with my blog. It has more to do with the fact I found someone else’s personal blog- the person who I’m dating. I know the handle he uses in video games and the like, so I google searched it with a few key words, a few sites clicked, and there it was.

Maybe about three quarters of the way through reading all of the posts I start to feel guilty. Is it right for me to be reading this stuff? It’s on the internet, sure, but he didn’t give me the link or anything. Then I start to think maybe he’ll be upset when I tell him I found it (I mean, was I supposed to?).

The posts end a short time after we meet- so there’s nothing too recent. It was on the internet, so it’s not like rifling through someones’ sock drawer, but I wonder if he’ll take it that way..?

Update:

So, surprise, I told the boy I found his blog. I was worried he’d be weirded out by the fact I googled his handle, or worse, would view it as an invasion of privacy.

What I didn’t expect is for him to initially be defensive, as if he was expecting me to go after him for the content.

I don’t expect him to apologize for his honest journaling about his journey to self-improvement. ::looks around the blog:: I mean, after all… I think he expected me to find issue with some of the content of his self-improvement regiment which included learning to talk to, pick up, and date women. I’m not going to fault him for that stuff. I’ve posted about how hard it is to communicate and connect with people and my failed attempts at breaking down those walls.

…as well as posting about me avoiding dating all together like the bubonic plague. We all deal with bad breakups in our own way. I’m not embarrassed or regretful about anything I’ve posted, I would be a hypocrite to try to make him feel that way.

I don’t know what this door I’ve opened means. I’m not going to grill him on anything, but I do have questions. There’s a lot of terminology he uses specific to this ‘learning-to-get-women’ class/group he was in. My instinct is to be, “Damn, was that used on me?” But then, he met me at jiu-jitsu- sweaty, nasty, with a thick cotton gi hiding my curves. So, no, I don’t think I was picked up all text-book style. I wasn’t part of some class experiment… I don’t think at least. Even if I initially was, we get on well. What does it matter? It’s just kind of weird to read about it from the other side.

Another funny thing- he mentioned he was using tarot card reading as a romantic ice-breaking sort of thing. Guess what I brought over his house my first time over? Yeah, I brought my tarot cards. I bet he wasn’t expecting those tables to be turned. Ha.

This whole thing brings up a lot of points for me- that we still have a lot to learn about each other, and strangely (after reading) we have a lot more in common than maybe we know yet. It looks like we were going through some of the same bad times and started turning our lives around in a similar time frame, only to meet after we’d started to get our respective shit together.

Joining jiu-jitsu was part of our self-improvement/goals regiment- separately, but there we met.

Life and its sense of humor know no ends.

And speaking of turning tables, my blog is easy enough to find.

  • I learned a while ago, people shouldn’t blog. Nothing good comes from it.

    Glad to hear you are getting some, all regular and whatnot.

  • Yeah, blogging, what the hell is that crap? Sounds like some log taking a dump or something.

    Yeah, I’m glad too. :)

  • SteveJ

    Good call on telling him. If he did post something in the future that you could use against him (or for him, whatever), then that would inevitably lead towards bigger issues down the road. Could you imagine if he posted how much he liked you or was going to break up with you or was going to take someone special on a vacation or how he’s planning to use a new pickup move at the bar this weekend…I mean there’s just so many ways your brain could have been screwed up.

    Something I wonder about with blogging and online life in general: what happens when you break off with someone or some group that has access to your personal stuff? I threw away a personal IM account because I gave it out to my coworkers and then quit that job. And while I’m certainly not ashamed of my relationships, I probably would be uncomfortable keeping pictures of a vacation with an ex-gf in the same picasa page as my wedding pics. And we’ve talked before about having a professional blog with some personal stuff mixed in it. Sure I want to give a prospective employer a look at some of my chops and thinking, but what if the manager happens to be Taylor Swift’s #1 fan and reads the entry about how much I hate that damn “Love Story” song?

  • “…what if the manager happens to be Taylor Swift’s #1 fan and reads the entry about how much I hate that damn “Love Story” song?”

    If the manager holds your personal tastes against you, then do you really, really want to work with that person?

    Before I was hired at my current company, they did peruse my blog. It actually seemed to help me since it showed I would fit in with the team based on the stuff I liked. They were right, I love the people I work with.

    “I mean there’s just so many ways your brain could have been screwed up.”

    That still has the potential to happen. He hasn’t posted in the past month, and I wonder if now he won’t post (or will watch what he says) based on the fact I found it.

    …or he could tomorrow post how he “plans to use a new pickup move at the bar this weekend”.

    Maybe at some point we’ll start seeing each other exclusively, but right now since we’re not… This is new territory for me. I’m okay with it so far. But, yeah, I don’t know how I’d react to that post… I’m not exactly one for jealousy, but I could see myself getting into a place of feeling not all that special to him (if apparently these other people are special enough to him). It maybe has the potential to put distance between us. I don’t know. Then again, hitting on the girl at the bar… if he’s cooking me dinner, do I care? Hmm…

    “I probably would be uncomfortable keeping pictures of a vacation with an ex-gf in the same picasa page as my wedding pics”

    Well, first of all, stop using Picasa… use Flickr! ;D Seriously though, that I don’t feel uncomfortable about. I have pics of past guys on my facebook- they’re in separate photo albums… just like how it would have worked with actual albums. Maybe you’re the type that would have thrown that album in the fire pit after breakup…? I’m trying to get out of the habit. Even in the case of mostly unhealthy and negative relationships I’m trying to remember the good times. Photos usually capture those. They usually aren’t of the betrayal or midnight bickering.

    Back to the blog, though, the reason I don’t separate it out is because I wouldn’t be able to handle updating them all or keeping all topics 100% separate. You’ve seen how I put some weird things together here… Even with the central location, I still disappear for awhile. It’s hard to find time to write!

    I’d also spend too much time making the sites!

  • SteveJ

    “Maybe you’re the type that would have thrown that album in the fire pit after breakup…? ”

    No, not at all. I don’t really keep things around from past relationships, but not from any sense of closure, more the clutter factor, I moved every year for 10 years, so I just got tired of dragging around stuff that I’m not very invested in anymore. I think my point with the online album is that it doesn’t take any effort on my part to keep those pics around (and I might, if I had them) but if I have an album of exgf in bikini followed by an album of wife in wedding gown, well then I’m just opening myself up for trouble when I give out urls to friends and family (thinking in-laws here). And if I start showing pictures to my kids…it’s just an interesting thought experiment really. How comfortable am I really with storing all this stuff online, considering the number of scenarios that could play out? Would I become defensive or embarrassed?

    Anyway, just a thought.

    “He hasn’t posted in the past month, and I wonder if now he won’t post (or will watch what he says) based on the fact I found it.”

    It’s possible, I know I’d at least think about it. That’s why I thought it was good that you told him you know: going with the theory that knowing you’re being observed is more honest and open than putting something out there with zero expectation it will get around (stupid in the internet age, but myspace is evidence enough). It may not even be that there are things being hidden or any nonsense like that, like I mentioned before I’d be upset if I bragged about a big surprise and my target found out.

    It’s also not that strange if there’s no postings for awhile, I used to keep a journal and I’d rarely write in it if everything was going fine relationship wise. It’s only when I was pining away for or recovering from someone that I really got into my composition mode. I’m sure you can relate a little bit ;)

  • “I’d rarely write in it if everything was going fine relationship wise.”

    Hey- don’t get me wrong here. Things are going fine. That’s probably why I’m worried and posting, actually. :p I’m not used to things going well…

    I do write more if I have things I want to try to work out mentally. It doesn’t mean that things are going badly, it means that a lot is happening and I’m not sure what to do with at least some of it. Writing is therapeutic, and I think the trick is actually to write about it and help yourself figure stuff out before things go bad.

    In the past, I have written a lot more when I was depressed. Ah, being an artist…

    “Would I become defensive or embarrassed?”

    I’m still surprised that was the reaction of the boy to his blog being found (defensive, not embarrassed (at least I don’t think so)). Maybe you would. Different people have different comfort levels with disclosure to the general public. Me, I’m pretty TMI and proud of it. It’s not for everyone. And even I’m only so TMI- I wouldn’t feel comfortable posting all the details of my sexual encounters here for instance.

    Some people are also conditioned to feel guilty about what they shouldn’t.

    As far as children seeing past girlfriends, that reminds me of years and years ago looking through old photos with my dad. He used to be quite the shot, and he didn’t just take pics of Californian sunsets- ‘oh, hai, look at these girls in bikinis rollerskating by…’ That whole no shame thing I have, I probably got it from my dad.

    “It’s also not that strange if there’s no postings for awhile…”

    Especially if you’re the one monopolizing their time that there are no posts for! lol

    “..putting something out there with zero expectation it will get around…”

    …when you’re dating someone who has worked building websites… you maybe should know better. :p But, yeah, people still somehow think they’re anonymous out in the open on the net… even if they use their name, names of people they know, or their handle that they use for everything.

    I know better. It can still take you aback when you’re chatting with your dad and he suddenly comments on something you posted several months ago.

    But I do know people who know me in RL get curious and read. I don’t mind.

  • SteveJ

    I think we all have different personas to some degree when we’re in different environments. Drinking with my buddies is different than a customer demo, for instance. So it’s always kind of strange when those barriers are broken. If one of my coworkers comes along and me and the boys are throwin down, that’s potentially awkward but probably fine. If it’s one of my customers that I’ve never seen outside of a conference room…that’s going to be uncomfortable. All of a sudden you’re painfully aware of every borderline joke and inappropriate phrase.

    Online isn’t much different, in some ways you’re a performer (an artist) getting your stuff out there, when that might not be your normal personality in another setting. Of course, it might be the case that you do bust out your sketchbook or neat haikus when you go out with your RL friends. It’s definitely becoming a blur when you try to be anonymous here or there (to avoid wierdos), but are still sharing with your RL group on twitter and the like.

    There’s a sports message board I spend some time on and there’s a teenage girl on there that gets a lot of attention, because she’s a girl on a sports message board and she invites the attention. Anyway she uses her first name as her handle, and then I noticed elsewhere on a pickem contest she used a username that had her last name in it. So without even trying (I’m really not a stalker!) I know her first name, last name, where she lives, what she likes, etc. And this is through a message board, the original anonymous asshole breeding ground. If it was my daughter, I’d be pissed and protective.

    Blogs are also interesting because at some level it’s all about the author. Comments and discussion are usually welcome, but the author runs the joint, sets the tone, picks the topic, etc. In that situation I’m more likely to run at the mouth than I would in a different setting of anonymous strangers. I’m in control, people want to hear what I’ve got to say.

    So, I think defensive is a normal reaction, anything I’ve ever said before could be used against me in a future argument. I believe there are few guys in this world that haven’t been raked over the coals for something they said years ago – and this time it’s in writing, indexed, and searchable! You don’t think it’s a big deal though, so I imagine it will be a non-issue soon enough.

  • “You don’t think it’s a big deal though, so I imagine it will be a non-issue soon enough.”

    It already seems to be. I think as soon as he realized that I was just giving him FYI and wasn’t actually going to try and ‘rake him over the coals’ about anything on there it was fine. It hasn’t been brought up at all.

    “All of a sudden you’re painfully aware of every borderline joke and inappropriate phrase.”

    I’m lucky that I work in a place where we work hard and don’t sweat the small stuff. I am the only woman on my team and if I were to take every ‘inappropriate comment’ seriously, I wouldn’t have lasted a day. I am aware how rare this kind of situation is and how lucky I am to be able to enjoy ‘that’s what she said’ comments. :)

    “It’s definitely becoming a blur when you try to be anonymous here or there (to avoid wierdos),”

    I haven’t tried to be anonymous at all here or elsewhere on the internet and I’ve never had any issues. I think I’m more likely to be assaulted by some random guy in a parking lot then get assaulted by someone who read my blog online. And even then, I don’t let that stop me from parking my truck.

    My real, full name is around the internet and I’m seriously not afraid of that. I’m an artist and a writer, so it’s actually a good thing to me.

    People have very different feelings about this. I personally think there’s a lot of hyped-up fear that people chose to allow to direct their lives.