If you saw the morning
Flight of every day dusk
Swept into mourning
Of wants forgotten rust,
You’d hold in the dew break
And early bird frost
To take the time to make
All that would be forgotten and lost.
Morning/Mourning
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Author Archives: TheSeize
Cycle
Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me for how I feel about my job. I know I have a good job (better than any ‘regular’ job I’ve had) that is varied, I’m good at, and has many perks. I’d say it’s a million times better than the full time job I had before this one. The next one I land through working hard at this one will probably be even better. Still, I spend every day at it wishing I wasn’t here doing this.
Is it like this for all artists? Are we all doomed to feel like we’re not doing ‘real work’ when we’re doing something other than our art? I look at other people that are amazing and talented who have ‘regular jobs’ and consider their job their actual job and not just their day job. I can’t help but be a bit jealous. Also, I feel like their advice is always, “find a different job” as if the issue is this job I have, and working for another company or in a different position would make this feeling go away. I know at least some other artists ‘get it’, but I also feel like they’ve all either taken the leap into art full time or have found a better balance (or are closer to it).
I envy them, but I also don’t, because I know in most cases it comes at great sacrifice to some very basic things (money, healthcare, food, etc.). I try to think of all the people that have even less fulfilling jobs than me, or are having a hard time getting a job or one that pays enough to put towards their bills. I feel guilty for not being more satisfied with what I have, and I feel guilty for not doing ‘enough’ or ‘the right thing’ (whatever those are) to change things for the better with immediate results.
Every weekend I try my best to forget about this for two days, and every Monday, this feeling follows me out of bed and through every thing I do. I try to ignore the undertone of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and hopelessness enough to get through the work day, make it to my studio, and spend the small amount of time and energy left on what I feel is my real work.
I do it knowing it’s probably not enough to realize any of my goals. I try not to be sad. I hope that if I keep at it, all of the little bits of time I can spare will add up into great things and somehow get me out of this cycle.
Life Loggers
I started really journaling hardcore while I was in high school. Whether or not it ends up here on the blog, it’s something I’m always doing as a part of my life process. It’s therapeutic, it helps my art and writing, it helps me understand where I’ve been and where I may be going, etc.
These days, some kind of journal keeping (or lifelogging) is done by most people to varying degrees. People use all kinds of technology to aid this, and it’s become much easier to do this more consistently, on a large scale, and to share it with people.
It’s something greater than simply making a record, and there are many different reasons people do it. I think the places where it seems to be going are really exciting.
This little movie is about that.
Noise
There’s too much noise. How are we supposed to pick out the sounds in every day of our lives with all of the noise? How does one compose their own song?
And what about silence? Is it real, or just an ideal?
Let Fate Knock Again
I let fate knock again,
And it wouldn’t stop tapping
The same timber, cadence.
I fought against its rapping.
I told it I didn’t fear the unknown,
The inevitable, or the arranged.
Can fate listen or does it only beat
A single drop every day dances deranged?
I hold it true that we do what we must
But what is it that we must do,
And what masques as mere compelling
While else is need through and through?
Its easy the fall into need,
Pattern played out on the side of a wish
Only to realize how little one truly needs
Trapped only by that we fear not accomplish.
Falling on Your Face
There’s such a thing as being too realistic.
Being too realistic is another way of saying don’t try for the sublime, leave your dreams at the door, and settle for mediocrity.
What’s the worst that will happen if you reach too far? It’s not so dramatic as falling off a cliff, but maybe it’s still as painful as falling on your face. Isn’t that okay?
I’m not so happy sitting down. I’d rather reach. I’m happier when I’m reaching. Even if in some ways it ends up a failure, I still do amazing things on the way. The act of trying itself is a success, never mind all of the other good things that will come of it. We learn, and we can try again.
I’m not saying I want to fall on my face. I’m not going to try for failure. I’m going to reach and do everything to come out of it still standing. I am, however, okay falling on my face. I’m promising myself that I will just get up and brush myself off.