It’s a scary world out there. In a scary world I like to have control over what I do have control over. Yes, even the illusion of control is great. I do realize most of the control we exercise over ourselves and environment is just an illusion, but I find comfort in making order on my chaos.

This is why I can sort of understand the easy solution of trying to protect your kids by trying control them and everything around them.

I’m happy that my parents had the courage to let me make a lot of my own choices when I was young. Yes, I am VERY happy for all of the mistakes they let me make too. It’s how we learn to be us.

I remember being in first grade and one day deciding I wasn’t going to wear what my mom had laid out for me to put on for school that day. From now on, I was going to choose my own clothes. I also remember figuring out why you dress in layers. One day I wore a long sleeve sweat shirt because I was cold in the morning. I had a few good hours in the afternoon to regret that decision and realize the wisdom of putting on a shirt under the sweatshirt. It’s not like I wasn’t told, but apparently I needed to learn that lesson the hard way.

That being said, there’s a lot of things out there that are not right and wrong so much as right for me, which might not be right for you. I hope if I one day become a parent that my children will share my values. We all do. I hope even more that I’ll be able to let them find those values on their own. I hope that if they disagree, I have the open mindedness to let them. I hope I won’t judge too harshly as they change their mind again and again as people do as they grow up.

Children are going to say, do, and believe some dumb things. I don’t want my kids to, but they will. I don’t want to judge them if they are different, but I’m only human and I will. I just want the courage to let them. Overall, I want them to be individuals. I want them to be self-sufficient, whole people. When I wonder how I became that way, I know it’s because I was allowed to say, do, and believe things my parents thought were dumb. And yes, as an adult, there are still some things that I day, do, and believe that I’m sure they think are dumb.

For all the ways I am different, I can say I have become a self-sufficient and whole person as much as through the guidance of my parents as through them being able to stop themselves from always intervening. Thank you for letting me fight my own battles. Thank you for letting me be me. I know it must have been scary, painful to watch at times, and even just annoying.

I can only hope that I also have that courage if I too one day become a parent. Even if a kid grows up and is a little embarrassed for doing something dumb, good for those parents who gave him the freedom to be a kid, figure things out, and be happy.