When I say I used to do a lot of things I don’t anymore, it’s not an indication of my current commitment to anything I do from day to day. I’ve tried a lot of things over the years, learned about myself through them, and re prioritized as things have become more or less important to me. When I was my little brother’s age, I was playing, and just about quitting, softball. That pre-teen age is that age where we depart from our childhood hobbies in search of something else. We want our own identity rather than the activities inherited by the whims of our parents. That identity quest doesn’t stop at the next line of choices. Rather, it never stops. There are things I started doing at that age and continue to do until this day: writing poetry, keeping journal/sketchbooks, listening to lots of music… And then there are those things I tried and didn’t take. There are also those things that were me in that moment. There were those things that have become less important in place of others over time but still hold some place for me.

Lately, gaming hasn’t really been my thing. I fire up the emulators with classic games from time to time. I play the Wii in groups of the right people. In general, it has fallen by the wayside. I find myself saying more and more, “Oh, my little brother plays that,” rather than, “Oh, I beat that awhile ago.”

On the other hand, I’ve been training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu 2-4 times a week. I’m looking up videos online, reading about it, watching recordings of UFC fights and I just finished watching Season 5 of The Ultimate Fighter. I’ll be cooking or working on art during the drama-and-fighters-going-blah parts, but when the referee says, “Let’s get it on!” my attention is focused. I might yell at the screen as if it’s live and not a recording. I might refer to that arm triangle as “Beautiful”.

I notice myself talking excitedly to people who have no idea what one martial art is in relation to another. I’ve started referring to it when the subject matter is something else entirely. I do this with gaming too. Yes, I still make those references too.

When cuddling, I may actually be thinking of how I’d roll out of the position or how I could do a kimura from here.

I don’t know that I’m ever going to be great at this, but I just love it. I don’t care if most of the people I roll with are better than me, bigger than me, or are likely to submit me. When someone asks me why I do jiu-jitsu or just makes some assumption, the answer is simpler than you think. I’ve found something I’m passionate about. There are great side effects, but even if they weren’t there, I’d still be rolling around the mats like a katamari.