Monthly Archives: December 2007

Read Less – Learn More

Posted on by
Reply

This is what it says on the cover of my new text book. I know I shouldn’t be judging a book by its cover, but it gets better on the inside.

This text contains VALUABLE knowledge…

…for people who are just turning on a computer for the first time. It covers using Windows XP. Subjects include:

  • Using a Mouse With Windows XP (…becuase using it with any other OS is different, especially if you’ve used Macs that sometimes have one button and sometimes two. So confusing!)
  • Understanding Pull Down Menus (Which you… drum roll… yes! Pull down. Glad you understand all that.)
  • 16 pages on Using Microsoft Paint (Because you have it in your head that using Adobe Photoshop is going to get you somewhere! Phht!)
  • Adjusting the Volume (Because computers don’t all have remote controls!)
  • Deleting a File (…)
  • Starting Internet Explorer (You mean other than to look at how badly it handles css?)
  • Understanding the Internet (First of all, the internet is a series of tubes… (see 3d pipe screen saver for an example, and btw, having that as your screen saver makes the internet run better))

I understand that they got us this textbook just in case someone didn’t know how to draw a rectangle in paint (Gasp! Glad we rectified that.), but seriously, anyone that needs this book is likely going to drop out in about a week. Why encourage them? Let them save time, money, gas, breathing air for the rest of us…

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. Maybe I will be surprised and awed by someone who goes from needing this book to building their own firewalls from scratch in mere months. It could happen.

Does anyone out there remember the Bastard System Operator From Hell Simon Travaglia? He would have some fun with those people.

I haven’t read any of those stories since I was using BBSes. Apparently they continued to be written. I guess I have some research- I mean pleasure reading to do. ;) After all, I’m reading, so I’m probably learning less…

Life as a Text Adventure

Posted on by
9

Recently on Neopoleon, the blog of one Rory Blyth, Betsy Aoki brought up writing a ‘choose your own adventure’ game back in the day.

We all think that ‘back in the day’ is something grand whether we’re in our twenties or seventies. I remember text adventures and think, “Wow, that was great… playing Guild of Theives on the Atari ST!”. I might even have the Bank of Kerovnia account card and Kerovnia Guild of Discret Entry And Removal Operatives contract pasted in an old jounal somewhere. Bank of Kerovnia Account Card

Video games are fun and recreation. Often times a video gamer thinks to themselves “I wish life were more like a video game”. You have multiple lives, the reset button, gain experience and gold for beating things, magic, and strange old women/men in huts who give you things. Yes, life would be better with these video game elements.

But would life be better as a text adventure?

Let’s find out.

“You find yourself in your bedroom, awake, but groggy. Exits are to the north.”
Go north.
“That’s kind of hard considering you’re laying down.”
Get up.
“I do not understand.”
Go up.
“Do you think you have the powers of flight?”
Go out of bed.
“Ok.”
Go north.
“Ok.”
Look.
“You are in the live-in-kitchen. Your cat runs north. There is a laptop sitting on the counter. An Ethernet cable dangles nearby. Exits are to the north.”
Get laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Use laptop with Ethernet cable.
“Okay.”
Use laptop.
“You must open it first!”
Open laptop.
“Okay.”
Use laptop.
“You must turn it on first!”
Turn on laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Turn on laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Look laptop.
“The laptop is OPEN. There is a blank screen, keys, a touchpad, and an on/off button.”
Use on/off button.
“Okay.”
Look laptop.
“The laptop is OPEN. There is something displayed on the screen, keys, a touchpad, and an on/off button.”
Look screen.

Sans nostalgia, text adventures were nothing more than an exercise in frustration. Though I was taught about synonyms, spelling, and thinking/writing like a programmer, I am very glad I can now simply point and click characters to their destination or use the d-pad on a controller.

If life were really like a text adventure…

Jump out window.

“You must first open the window.”

Open window.

“Okay.”

Jump out window.

“Why would you want to do that?”

Go window.

“I do not understand.”

Use self with window.

“I do not understand.”