Childhood in Uxbridge

It was Thanksgiving. After a morning of running around breakfast, putting on our showers, and gulping down our getting ready, we managed to get everyone packed in the car. Dad drove us around Uxbridge.

Uxbridge was an old mill town perpetually trying to stay an old mill town even as everything around it changed and grew. People lived in places parted by inched lawns nestled side by side, trimmed guardian bushes, and trees out back. Many lived in large houses at the end of winding dirt roads unseen by any neighbor. The only landmarks to their house would be trees and maybe a mailbox, probably camouflaged in green on a wooden post.

The town had the air of things passed. It had different areas, down town, north, south, but no one would refer to any part of Uxbridge by saying so without a slight sneer or bit of sarcasm. Saying Uxbridge had a down town was pointing out a gas station, a liquor store, and the bank and calling it the big center of it all.

Then there was the river and it’s canal that flowed through the town, including the down town, where it cascaded into a waterfall right outside of the liquor store waiting to catch those who would not wait to return to their homes. This valley clutched to the idea of people coming together around the river out of necessity. In more recent times it was a smelly, sewage line through the town with walkways along side it so people could walk their dogs and try to catch sight of the mutated frogs. Sometimes you’d catch a brave soul canoing. You’d stare like a redneck at the NASCAR race track, waiting for the boat to capsize so you could have something to say around the dinner table that night or chat about on the ride to Grandma’s house in this case. You could take turns predicting what terrible diseases they could get. My money’s on leukemia. Chris says cancer. I say leukemia is a type of cancer. Chris says it’s not. We are silenced by a twisted figure in the passenger seat pointing a finger dangerously.

“You better shut up, right now!” threatens my mother. We revert to arguing in glances.

“Would you relax, Ann?” my dad mutters. This only makes mom angrier.

“It’s awful to be saying things like that about people! The river is fine! All sorts of animals live by it. You remember Jeremy? He used to go canoeing in it all the time, and he’s fine. It’s not nice to joke about cancer! Would you rather we still lived in Whitinsville? Or Worcester?”

“Oh, they like it fine here, Ann,” said my dad as patient and cheerfully as he could muster, “They’re just joking around, right?”

“Sure,” me and my brother both intoned, surprised to find ourselves in agreement. I knew that wouldn’t do.

“It’s a bit isolated,” I admitted, daring my mother’s wrath, “We have to drive at least a half hour to get anywhere. There’s nothing to do really.”

“Nothing to do?” my mom asked incredulously, “What do you mean there’s nothing to do? I’m sick of you two always saying you’re bored.”

“I didn’t say anything,” said Chris.

“You just did,” I told Chris.

“Well you can travel where ever you want to and live where ever you want to live when you’re older,” said my dad, the diplomat, “You’ll come to realize that exciting places have bad things about them too.”

“Yeah, but I bet their schools don’t suck as much,” muttered my brother.

“Don’t swear!” screamed my mother, rounding on him with the finger.

“What? I didn’t swear! What swear did I use?”

“Yes, you did. You know you did. You said it sucks.”

Hating to side with my brother, but needing to be honest, I came to his defense, “Mom, sucks isn’t a swear.”

“It’s not a nice word! And I don’t want to hear it again!” yelled my mom resolving the matter, “Besides, you’d belly-ache about school no matter what school you went to.”

“Yeah, school sucks.”

“Christopher!”

“Oh, right. School blows.”

Nobody answered Chris that time. I was amazed my mother fumed silently. She did this very seldom.

Finally my dad pulled over at one of the nature preserves for the river and got out his camera. He wanted to let us run around a little and take some pictures. My dad was a carpenter and car guy, but underneath that with his manual 35mm Minolta in hand, he was an art-tist!

Late at night when he’d had a few beers in him he would take out boxes of pictures he had taken all over the country. He said they used to be in albums and packets, but my mother had unsorted them all on various occasions wanting to make new albums but never finishing. My dad would tell me of an ancient time before I was born.

“Here’s one of my hotrods,” he said, then going on to say what specific car it was and what it had to make it go so much better than other cars, “This one I crashed while I was tripping.”

“What happened to the other ones?” I asked, eyes scanning the shiny red machine.

“Kids. That’s what happened. I met your mom. I sold my hotrods.”

It was a sad tale. I bowed my head in respect, then thought of another question, “What happened to the camera that you took all of these pictures with?”

“Your mom. That’s what happened to it. Every time I take it out to go shooting she takes a bunch of crap pictures that are out of focus and over or under exposed. When I try to explain it to her, she gets mad at me. If I tell her she can’t use the camera, she gets mad at me. So, I keep it hidden away.”

It was a sad tale. My dad would continue on to other pictures.

Now he had a generic automatic Kodak camera that even my mom could take pictures with. You could still always tell which ones my dad took.

“C’mon, let’s get a group shot by the river.”

We all went off next to the Blackstone river, pretended to like each other enough to get closer, closer. Mom smelled like stale cigarettes, my brother like piss.

“Chris, put your hand down and stop being a wise ass. Now everyone smile!”

Bodies – Chapter 1: Life and Death

I saw The Bodies exhibit today, visiting New York City. It was inspirational in a lot of ways.

– – – – –

I could only stare at her as she lay somewhere between life and death. The green light conducted a series of continuous, monotonous pings which told that technically she was with the living. Seeing the pallid, paper skin, my eyes told me otherwise. A poor, trapped soul in a lifeless husk. I imagined for a second what it would be like to be trapped in that cold prison. I shivered involuntarily, empathic pity welling through me. My god, how could they let her stay like that…

* * *

“Are you saying that you support pulling the plug on patients?” inquired Phil, one of the med students from the neighboring university, both mortified and intrigued. I sighed. I wasn’t what I meant, but I guess it was true. Typical. How could I expect to get through to a third year med student about empathy?

“Just forget I ever said anything,” I said with a tinge of annoyance, but mostly disappointment.

“Hey, whatever Silvie, just trying to start up a conversation,” replied Phil defensively. I knew he didn’t understand what he’d said wrong, but I let it go. I really didn’t expect him understand feeling the emotions of people, or lack there of in the case of the girl. The sweet, cherry blossom teenage girl with the slight frame and speckled pallid skin, with the dark hair that reminded me of innocence gone with adolescent promiscuity. Angelic little demon of living death, whatever could possess your soul to stay nestled in your inactive frame?

“What is the case with that girl,” I ventured curiously, “Why doesn’t her family pull the plug? What happened to her?”

“Hm,” Phil smiled slightly, “Well, that’s the funny thing. There is no plug to pull. She just stays like that. Even when we found her she should have been dead from dehydration, but she wasn’t. She still clung on somehow. Of course, they do have her on an IV, but to tell you the truth, I’m not sure she needs it. And as for her family,” Phil swallowed and grinned, “there’s only an older brother, and he’s either just not stepping forward, or he’s long dead.”

I couldn’t help but wonder what gave people like that the thrill in telling people’s tragic tales like fairy tale fiction. Emotions, Phil wouldn’t understand, but a girl who could live without food or water, that was certainly the type of thing Phil would believe. But, I didn’t say anything. Again, I knew that it would be useless arguing the point with Phil, so I told him goodbye and headed down the steps outside the hospital I regularly volunteered at.

And with the steps away from the distance fading hospital I found that my thoughts of the girl did not fade.

* * *

So, this is the new store Karen was telling about, I thought. It looked quaint enough, not the occultish looking place I was expecting- probably becuase it was in the mall. Somehow the lack of scary mysticism made me happy. The place was simply called “Andorra’s”. I opened the ringing door and stepped right in. The inside was almost as simple as the out. That actually almost made it more eerie than the scary occult shoppes of back-water Lassington and industrious, smog-ridden Worner.

Natural wood walls with stained shelves, neatly arraged with bottles and books, a display of handipped candles, tools tucked away on either side of the room on the floor, and a cushioned, round seat at the back wall under a blank wall surrounded by neat piles of books lay half cluttered about the store. A white-haired woman sat crossleged. She put down the book she was reading and smiled. You could tell her personality was a smiling one. She glowed with a white, gold, and silver laced aura. There was a quiet confidence about her with wisdom in those faint blue eyes.

I felt like I had just gone home.

* * *

“Why don’t you go home, Silvie. You seem like you could use some rest,” said Bonnie, one of the nurses. She didn’t reprimand, but seemed genuinely concerned. Her round face smiled in a serene way that often soothed patients. She had caught me staring off again while I was supposed to be busily handing out fruit cups and fruit-flavored gelatin.

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just a bit distracted,” I said moving off down to the next patient.

“Uh, huh,” she stood in front of me blocking me with her wide frame and crossed arms, attitude demanding an explanation. I slid the metal tray down onto the foot of an unoccupied bed and sat next to it. I knew Bonnie thought it was her job to cure the ills of all the world, patients and people alike.

“Do you know the girl in room 358? The one they found in a coma?”

“Why, yes,” Bonnie jiggled in recollection, bringing her hand to her face, “You were with her last week. Phil mentioned that I shouldn’t put you with her again.”

“Oh, did he?” I asked suddenly angry.

“He was just concerned about you, is all. He said seeing her made you really upset.”

That was defiantly Phil’s prescription for emotions. If something made you feel something other than happy, it was best to cut it off.

“It looks like he was right,” Bonnie continued, “I can understand that. I read to her on my breaks. It’s tragic. They just don’t know what happened to her and there’s no one to come forward and shed light on the situation. I know there are lonely people in this world, but still, not even a friend or coworker has come to see her.”

“Do they know who she is?”

Bonnie sat next to me, shifting the tray of gelatin and making it wobble, “No. No, they don’t. There’s no clue on her body either. She wasn’t beaten or anything.”

“Then why would she go into a coma?”

“Emotional trauma is the doctor’s best guess,” Bonnie shook her head, “It’s amazing what the mind can do to the body.”

We sat there on the bed together a moment thinking. Bonnie’s pager beeped. She went to dash off but gave me one last smile,

“Why don’t you go on over and see her, Silvie? Read to her or something.”

– – – – –

Reading is good for you I hear. Goodnight, people.